Life has sucked lately - Not in this horrible way; obviously I know others have it so much worse than I do. Yes, I know there are starving kids in Africa, women being raped, children being abused, etc. I'm not saying my life compares to theirs in any way, but I am saying that everyone has problems big and small that mean something to them, and here are a few of mine:: ((But don't worry,, this venting has a positive ending)).
Heartbroken (which is somewhat of an exaggeration, I guess) because someone I really liked led me on then ditched me the second I introduced him to my friend. Then he turns around and plays her, leading her on and leaving her for someone he was already interested in (yet another friend). I'm still good friends with him, though. At first I thought I'd have to end our friendship, that being around him now that he's with her would make it difficult. I was right about one thing. Being around him, knowing that he belongs to someone else, is tough. Especially when it's just the two of us. I liked him more than he ever liked me. It was a lot harder to not be friends with him, though. I think I only went a week before calling him (haha). I'd feel worse ending a friendship just because he chose her. It's okay. It happens. Life goes on.
Exhausted/Frustrated/Angry/Sad - WORK. My boss is an immature little biyyotch (watching the language, thankyou). We used to be best friends... since we were high school freshman. She was there for me at my lowest, and I was there for her at hers. We went through tons of ups, downs, good times, bad,, and inbetween. It's sad how working together and her going from my shift leader to my assistant manager to GM has given her a HUGE ego boost and caused her to be the biggest jerk ever. Sometimes it feels like she acts the way she does because she's jealous that I got my diploma and have friends that she doesn't have. Her only friends come from work, be it other employees (like, 2) or customers who she dates/plays. Ugh. There's so much to vent about having to work for her. She does nothing but criticize me, tell me I'm not good enough, etc. It's like she gets her jollies from putting me down, and joking or not, I'm sick and tired of all the crap she puts me through. She picks on everyone, but she is ten times worse with me. Everyone there tells me to brush it off, to just ignore it, and that's what I've been doing. At this point, though, I'm ready to break. One of these days I'd love to just tell her to STFU and turn around and walk out - unfortunately I need the money. Nobody's going to hire me now because it's too far into the summer and they won't want someone who has to quit in August to go to school. I wish I could get a simple summer babysitting job, but I need real money - I need to save up to buy a car. Good gracious, I really wish I had a car.
Knowledge. Religion. Confusion. True Friend.
Appalachian State University is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got to move away from home for 9 months and experience life my way. I got to set the rules for myself. I had to make sure I was up and would go to class on my own. In those 9 months of being in charge of myself, I went to all of my classes (or at least had a legit reason to miss one), I ate healthy (mostly, haha), worked out a couple times a week, made good friends, and stayed out of trouble. I kept the parties to a minimum, didn't sleep around (well, I've never done that, haha), and I even played some soccer. I fell in with the RIGHT group of friends, and I kept my grades up - my cumulative GPA is Dean's list appropraite :). Being a Mountaineer makes me happy. I miss Boone so much right now - the friends I made, the extracurriculars I became involved in, and just the whole package - even the classes aren't half bad, haha!
Religion is something I'm still working on. I don't know what I believe. I *want* to believe in God. Being a person who loves facts and KNOWING makes this so difficult. I know that God isn't a feeling, but it still is just so crazy to me that I should put my entire being into believing in someone who I can't feel or have any guaruntee about. I really want to put my trust in God, and I've got a true friend who is helping me with that.
Vallypooh,, girl I know you've got my back! I'm so incredibly thankful that your mom moved you guys to NC your freshman year, and I hated that you guys ended up moving back to California. And even though you have this other life there, I loveeee that I get to spend my summers with you and your little sisters -- they feel like my sisters too. I'm so glad that we've experienced some crazyyy stuff, even though our friendship is weird and that we don't get to experience all these crazy highs and lows that most friendships go through, I wouldn't have it any other way. You're helping me to be me. I like that I can be honest with you and that you won't judge me. I love how you're trying to bring me closer to God - that you understand me and want me to be happy. I admire how you've come so far in your life. I'm proud of you for realizing that you were in the wrong crowd and that your grandma and sisters (and even your momma, admit it!) are your reasons for turning your life around, putting your everything in God, and for wanting to be a positive influence for everyone around you. Girl,,, I don't know how you keep me sane,, but I lovee youuuu :) and now I just gotta tell you this since you don't have internet until you go back to California, haha. I'm soo sad that you're in NC for only a little while this summer. Girl, I promise that Christina and I are gonna come to California one of these days! I love being your NC bff :] haha. You're a true friend - you're totally honest,, always speak your mind,, and aren't afraid of saying it how it is, haha. I'm gonna miss your face, but I'm glad that you're going to college & making something of yourself. Your sisters love you && girlll you're my best fraaand. I can't wait for our crazy adventures this summer :) Awhh, my little graduate is all groweddd up! :]
Okay,, only crazy people would have read all of this. Sorry for venting like crazy.. I've just been so frustrated lately because of stuff at work and because of all this craziness going on in my life - trust me, this isn't even half of it... but I loveee everyone who cares enough to read this nonsense, haha. No comments necessary,, just needed to vent a bit.
1 comment:
Kate!
grl, i get whats goin on with allan and that crap,, and i love how you say that youre not mad because he cant help that he likes them,, buttt you still get to be mad because he does that crap in front of you. that warrants you being upset. i know well all lovee this boy because hes a good guy,, mostly,, but he deserves a slap in the face every once in a while, haha.
and girl,, that laura crap has got to stop. tell her that shes a jerk. i know you dont want to cause drama at work because youre quitting soon,, but you gotta tell her how you feel or its never gonna stop! okayyy!
and im glad you bought that bible and are trying because if you dont try, youll never know. anddd im also glad that you and val are so close because shes a good friend for you and youre a good friend for her. you two stay out of trouble together - every summer that shes here i notice that you stay away from smoking and drinking and all that dumb stuff that you do, so tell herr good job for keeping you out of trouble and vice versa because i know you keep her outta trouble.
okayy bbgrl, you know i got your back, so holler at me if you ever need anything :]
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