Snow!

What better to lift your moods than the beautiful, snowy mountains of Appalachian?! The weather is wonderful! We took a midnight stroll from Hoey to the west side of campus. Walked through west campus' parking lot, and up the stairs of the LLC (WORST STAIRS EVER!). We then walked around the bend to App Height's Apartments and enjoyed the snow. It's been coming down since 11 or so last night. Today, we went to lunch at Welborne and enjoyed illegal snowball fights there and back; it has been amazing entertainment. I could use anything to keep my mind off of everything - life's kind of difficult right now, and snow is the one thing making it better.
Winter break brought about a lot of amazing stuff, and I was hoping it would continue until Spring break brought it back... Yeah, I also am now realizing that I am an idiot. I compromised my morals because I thought the situation warranted the rethinking of how I felt. Now, after everything happened, I realized I'm wrong. Never compromise what you believe to please someone else unless you know it's the right choice. I wasn't sure it was the right choice. I knew it would probably turn out wrong. However, it was an opportunity I wanted to take; I wanted to ignore the negative consequences that I knew would soon follow because I had hoped the positive sides of the situation would overshadow the negative. I was wrong. Stupid me. Oh well.

I'm not the brightest of girls. I can admit that. I'm not all I appear to be. I may laugh, smile, and seem to be having a good time. But I have also been angry, dissatisfied, and uncomprehensibly upset at times. I know what it's like to smile when all I want to do is cry; however, I also know what it's like to just give into my emotions. Sometimes I'm not as strong as I wish I could be. That's all changing now.

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I've stopped being who I want to be. I'm conforming and I hate that more than anything. It ends now. I'm not longer going to "follow the crowd". I've never been one to do that. I'm my own person. I lead. I do as I please and what I feel is right for me. No more compromising who I am or any of that mumbo jumbo. It's time to grow up.

I made a few mistakes over break. A few mistakes that I thought would be worth it. No, not really. I got hurt. I am hurt. I'm trying to be strong. I'm going to forgive and forget because it's really not worth what I'm feeling. I'm going to enjoy the snow because it came at the perfect time. I'm going to study for that quiz tomorrow and finish my math assignment because I'd rather do something to improve myself (grades is a good start) rather than sit here and continue moping around.

I'm done being the girl who disrespects herself. I'm done being all of this crap. It started years ago beause of one stupid guy, and I haven't changed no matter how much I told myself I would. I'm an adult now, and I have faith in myself that I can do it, so I'm done being who you created and I'm giving myself a fresh start. A lot of people don't realize that we can do that. They think that a big, life-changing screw up means it's over. I've realized that I can fix my mistakes no matter how big they are or how long it has taken me. I'm going to forgive you for turning me into who I am; however, I'll never be able to forgive myself if I let what you did continue to ruin my life.